Gemgeplarp is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, vain hamster.

Gemgeplarp created a photon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemgeplarp, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gemgeplarp, he will jump up and down on your head.

Gemgeplarp's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Gemgeplarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chant in public.

2. Never think about special relativity near whales while wearing magenta trousers and balancing seven carbon spheres on your legs.

3. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

4. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Run away if three otters approach from the south.