Nig is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, self-confident squirrel.

Nig created water eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nig, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Nig, she will turn you into a duck.

Nig's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Nig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight iron sculptures of Nig on top of important buildings.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nig.

3. Do not take Nig's name in vain.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never talk about fire.