Hapnurtril is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, quiet shrew.

Hapnurtril created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapnurtril, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hapnurtril, he will cry a lot.

Hapnurtril's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Hapnurtril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Hapnurtril loves otters, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about gravity near turtles while wearing black rings.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.