Farcamjad is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, ill-tempered porpoise.

Farcamjad created time and space two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farcamjad, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Farcamjad, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Farcamjad's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Farcamjad's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Farcamjad.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

4. Do not kill seals.

5. Do not wear fawn clothing.