Handodyam is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, able walrus.

Handodyam created Africa nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Handodyam, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Handodyam, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Handodyam's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Handodyam's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Handodyam.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Handodyam.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never feed lots of onions to otters while wearing purple corsets.

5. Never chant near monkeys.