Staftitpiggighanboprowtom is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, selfish turtle.

Staftitpiggighanboprowtom created vertebrates two million years ago.

If you believe in Staftitpiggighanboprowtom, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Staftitpiggighanboprowtom, she will throw large rocks at you.

Staftitpiggighanboprowtom's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Staftitpiggighanboprowtom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Pray towards the east.