Ontmegvan is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, able goat.

Ontmegvan created the cosmos eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontmegvan, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ontmegvan, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Ontmegvan's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Ontmegvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of order in the presence of elders.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Put Ontmegvan first in all things.