Lopbanlarg is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, temperamental ferret.

Lopbanlarg created silver five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopbanlarg, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lopbanlarg, she will turn you into a rock.

Lopbanlarg's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Lopbanlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Lopbanlarg's name in vain.

2. Never think ill of sick horses.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Never talk about dogs.

5. Do not dye your hair gray.