Canstanlunhonhotmadzedman is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, fast hedgehog.

Canstanlunhonhotmadzedman created a top quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Canstanlunhonhotmadzedman, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Canstanlunhonhotmadzedman, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Canstanlunhonhotmadzedman's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Canstanlunhonhotmadzedman's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Canstanlunhonhotmadzedman loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near great tits while wearing indigo skirts and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your hands.

4. Retreat if five seals approach from the north.

5. Do not covet oxen.