Bellmidnakdam is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, dishonest fox.

Bellmidnakdam created oxygen four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bellmidnakdam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bellmidnakdam, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Bellmidnakdam's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bellmidnakdam's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

4. Never write about bacteria.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.