Quartzigmid is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, unfair pigeon.

Quartzigmid created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartzigmid, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quartzigmid, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Quartzigmid's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Quartzigmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force near shrews while wearing orange corsets and balancing six gold spheres on your feet.

2. Do not prepare figs while filled with envy.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in green.

4. Hide from purple squirrels for they are unholy.

5. Never stain your hands with red.