Bappig is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, omniscient goat.

Bappig created the Large Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bappig, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bappig, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bappig's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bappig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Do not kill porpoises.

3. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Bappig in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never feed lots of parsnips to gulls while wearing white ear rings.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.