Wodtanlitomtwig Vonkwitneg is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, humane monkey.

Wodtanlitomtwig Vonkwitneg created the Tadpole Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Wodtanlitomtwig Vonkwitneg, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Wodtanlitomtwig Vonkwitneg, she will turn you into a hamster.

Wodtanlitomtwig Vonkwitneg's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Wodtanlitomtwig Vonkwitneg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about parsnips.

2. Never pray while filled with joy.

3. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near swans while wearing white coats and balancing eight silver spheres on your arms.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.