Bam Benmapvandum is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, generous naga.

Bam Benmapvandum created the planet Saturn two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bam Benmapvandum, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bam Benmapvandum, he will destroy your home planet.

Bam Benmapvandum's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Bam Benmapvandum's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never paint your legs fawn.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching carbon.