Gessnurtsig is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, self-assured meerkat.

Gessnurtsig created Asia two million years ago.

If you believe in Gessnurtsig, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Gessnurtsig, she will ignore you.

Gessnurtsig's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Gessnurtsig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Gessnurtsig's name in vain.

2. Heed all dreams.

3. Never wear magenta trousers.

4. Never allow snakes to witness sacred rites.

5. Never pour water over plants.