Metflowtig is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, confident faun.

Metflowtig created dark energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metflowtig, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Metflowtig, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Metflowtig's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Metflowtig's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never wear jumpers.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Erect a giant red sculpture of Metflowtig in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not eat carrots.