Jiphivlan is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, overgenerous fish.

Jiphivlan created the cosmos eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jiphivlan, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Jiphivlan, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Jiphivlan's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Jiphivlan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of oranges to capybaras while wearing brown corsets.

2. Remain kneeling during prayer.

3. Do not kill sheep.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jiphivlan.

5. You must love Jiphivlan.