Man is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omniscient swallow.

Man created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Man, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Man, he will turn you into a dog.

Man's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Man's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never feed bread to mice while wearing orange coats.

4. Never think about ultrasonics.

5. Never feed lots of strawberries to swans while wearing brown jumpers.