Hakxuckdav is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty whale.

Hakxuckdav created energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakxuckdav, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hakxuckdav, he will turn you into a puffin.

Hakxuckdav's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Hakxuckdav's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. You must pray to Hakxuckdav four times a day.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not sing at rivers.

5. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Hakxuckdav in the centre of the settlement.