Getgubnart Cumpakzig is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, emotional salamander.

Getgubnart Cumpakzig created the planet Earth five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Getgubnart Cumpakzig, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Getgubnart Cumpakzig, she will cry a lot.

Getgubnart Cumpakzig's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Getgubnart Cumpakzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of horses.

2. Never go into gray rooms.

3. Never remain kneeling during dawn.

4. Always act with purity when addressing strangers.

5. Learn six new languages a year.