Piblargvin Begkemsin is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, wise meerkat.

Piblargvin Begkemsin created Europe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Piblargvin Begkemsin, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Piblargvin Begkemsin, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Piblargvin Begkemsin's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Piblargvin Begkemsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics near ants while wearing turquoise coats and balancing three carbon spheres on your chest.

2. Never feed coconuts to geese while wearing shorts.

3. Run away from brown hamsters, for they are unholy.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Piblargvin Begkemsin loves snakes, so they must be respected.