Vonkafbomlidmidnillbopbem is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, blissful turtle.

Vonkafbomlidmidnillbopbem created a down quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkafbomlidmidnillbopbem, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Vonkafbomlidmidnillbopbem, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Vonkafbomlidmidnillbopbem's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Vonkafbomlidmidnillbopbem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near manatees while wearing gray shorts and balancing seven nickel spheres on your feet.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Do not speak about beans.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching aluminium.

5. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.