Ganquafpog Fendudfid Botbarnten is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, strong goat.

Ganquafpog Fendudfid Botbarnten created matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ganquafpog Fendudfid Botbarnten, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ganquafpog Fendudfid Botbarnten, she will have a low opinion of you.

Ganquafpog Fendudfid Botbarnten's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Ganquafpog Fendudfid Botbarnten's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention mites.

2. Never approach rivers carrying wood.

3. Do not speak of quantum gravity near sacred fires.

4. Never speak aloud of signs.

5. Never chant near bats.