Loopcebstik is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, merciless hyena.

Loopcebstik created matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopcebstik, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Loopcebstik, he will be very unhappy.

Loopcebstik's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Loopcebstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not study evolution by means of natural selection on holy days.

2. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Loopcebstik in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always act with patience when addressing children.

4. Never prepare pineapples during spring.

5. Do not prepare carrots while wearing coats.