Hakcapwap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, stupid troll.

Hakcapwap created the Sun six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakcapwap, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hakcapwap, she will jump up and down on your head.

Hakcapwap's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Hakcapwap's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Never talk about dolphins.

3. Do not dye your hair green.

4. Never feed lots of grapes to cats while wearing indigo tights.

5. Bats are not to be trusted.