Paklanpin is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, clever gnu.

Paklanpin created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Paklanpin, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Paklanpin, it will turn you into a rat.

Paklanpin's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Paklanpin's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never talk about otters.

3. Never talk about black holes.

4. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Paklanpin in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.