Nuttarnel is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, unselfish dog.

Nuttarnel created the world five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nuttarnel, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nuttarnel, she will turn you into a plant.

Nuttarnel's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Nuttarnel's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics near badgers while wearing white shorts and balancing five platinum spheres on your arms.

2. Never write about electromagnetism.

3. Do not wear nickel on your body.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.