Kembenlab is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, selfish fairy.

Kembenlab created the universe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kembenlab, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kembenlab, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Kembenlab's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Kembenlab's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

2. Never hurt tortoises.

3. Never handle silicon while unclean.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kembenlab.

5. Porpoises are not to be trusted.