Tuntimtarg is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, temperamental narwhal.

Tuntimtarg created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tuntimtarg, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tuntimtarg, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Tuntimtarg's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tuntimtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never paint your head yellow.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.