Cipjatflis is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, compassionate monkey.

Cipjatflis created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cipjatflis, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cipjatflis, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Cipjatflis' most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Cipjatflis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine whales in a large pit.

2. Never write about enzymes.

3. Never prepare cucumbers during autumn.

4. Always keep your back turned to the south at sunset.

5. Never mention pigs.