Xemsankapxuc Jatsatjadsaggenfat is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, egotistical weasel.

Xemsankapxuc Jatsatjadsaggenfat created snails nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Xemsankapxuc Jatsatjadsaggenfat, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Xemsankapxuc Jatsatjadsaggenfat, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Xemsankapxuc Jatsatjadsaggenfat's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Xemsankapxuc Jatsatjadsaggenfat's Holy Commandments

1. Always cleanse water with water.

2. Ants are not to be trusted.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not eat lentils.

5. Never think ill of sick badgers.