Japhanbonkcem is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, self-confident cobra.

Japhanbonkcem created light eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Japhanbonkcem, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Japhanbonkcem, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Japhanbonkcem's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Japhanbonkcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat figs.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Japhanbonkcem.

3. You must never eat oranges.

4. Never mention foxes.

5. Never feed lots of beans to tortoises while wearing black stockings.