Haphunarmkad is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, able wolf.

Haphunarmkad created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haphunarmkad, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Haphunarmkad, she will strike you with lightening.

Haphunarmkad's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Haphunarmkad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Run away if four snakes approach from the south.

3. Never think about spacetime near turtles while wearing white tights and balancing seven platinum spheres on your neck.

4. Never speak of balance in the presence of elders.

5. Do not study the inheritance of acquired characteristics on holy days.