Barnhomgil is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, resourceful tortoise.

Barnhomgil created a photon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnhomgil, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Barnhomgil, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Barnhomgil's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Barnhomgil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about voles.