Pagtomjamgid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, fussy toad.

Pagtomjamgid created bats seven million years ago.

If you believe in Pagtomjamgid, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Pagtomjamgid, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Pagtomjamgid's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Pagtomjamgid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near turtles while wearing white jumpers and balancing seven carbon spheres on your face.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching aluminium.

3. Do not eat beans.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Mice are unholy and should not be approached.