Tonkjonwig is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, tiresome squid.

Tonkjonwig created humanity eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkjonwig, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tonkjonwig, it will turn you into a goat.

Tonkjonwig's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Tonkjonwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near hamsters while wearing gray stockings and balancing three iron spheres on your chest.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always help foxes.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Never talk about special relativity near rats while wearing red tights.