Vadtargteen is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, tranquil penguin.

Vadtargteen created everything that exists two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vadtargteen, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vadtargteen, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vadtargteen's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Vadtargteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross mountains at dusk.

2. Never adorn your neck with orange markings.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near horses while wearing violet rings and balancing four copper spheres on your head.

4. Never think about thermodynamics.

5. Erect nine lead sculptures of Vadtargteen on top of important buildings.