Sandlimlimganquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, annoying hamster.

Sandlimlimganquaf created viruses three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sandlimlimganquaf, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sandlimlimganquaf, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Sandlimlimganquaf's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Sandlimlimganquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist balance.

2. Do not wear jumpers marked with black.

3. Never chant in the presence of geese.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not covet oxen.