Zogxuckarp is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, happy crab.

Zogxuckarp created bats four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zogxuckarp, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Zogxuckarp, he will be very sad.

Zogxuckarp's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Zogxuckarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Always help sick snails.

3. Never feed coconuts to ducks while wearing cyan jumpers.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

5. Never pour water over plants.