Dapratkem Sandkabtonk is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, idiotic troll.

Dapratkem Sandkabtonk created life seven million years ago.

If you believe in Dapratkem Sandkabtonk, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dapratkem Sandkabtonk, it will turn you into a hamster.

Dapratkem Sandkabtonk's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Dapratkem Sandkabtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat great tits with great respect.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Dapratkem Sandkabtonk.

3. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

4. Never talk about moons.

5. Always help sick birds.