Rowquillbessgat is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, ruthless tapir.

Rowquillbessgat created everything that exists six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rowquillbessgat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Rowquillbessgat, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Rowquillbessgat's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Rowquillbessgat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not wear silver on your body.

3. Do not step barefoot upon yellow earth.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near doves while wearing orange jumpers.

5. Do not make images of living things.