Sandpopxenxem Stipmitstafquart is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, awesome capybara.

Sandpopxenxem Stipmitstafquart created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sandpopxenxem Stipmitstafquart, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Sandpopxenxem Stipmitstafquart, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Sandpopxenxem Stipmitstafquart's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Sandpopxenxem Stipmitstafquart's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine otters approach from the east.

2. Never hop in the presence of sharks.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near ducks while wearing white kilts.

5. Never paint your head turquoise.