Bogmetcad is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, cheerful lobster.

Bogmetcad created the Black Eye Galaxy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bogmetcad, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bogmetcad, it will destroy your favourite star.

Bogmetcad's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Bogmetcad's Holy Commandments

1. Put Bogmetcad first in all things.

2. Bogmetcad loves porpoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bogmetcad.

4. Always look after injured birds.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.