Kandonpag is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, dishonourable zebra.

Kandonpag created gold nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kandonpag, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kandonpag, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Kandonpag's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Kandonpag's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not dye your hair mauve.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near great tits while wearing turquoise trousers and balancing three silicon spheres on your arms.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Always look after injured otters.