Bonkmisqueeg is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, slow crab.

Bonkmisqueeg created the planet Earth eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkmisqueeg, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bonkmisqueeg, he will send minions to preach to you.

Bonkmisqueeg's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Bonkmisqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist chaos.

2. Never mark doors with blue.

3. Never eat carrots on fasting days.

4. You must never eat coconuts.

5. Do not hurt nematodes.