Xenfudmob is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, humane wolf.

Xenfudmob created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Xenfudmob, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xenfudmob, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Xenfudmob's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Xenfudmob's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five dolphins approach from the west.

2. Never pray while filled with fear.

3. Hide from magenta monkeys for they are unholy.

4. Always act with patience when addressing children.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.