Arffutvog is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, astonishing crocodile.

Arffutvog created parasitic wasps six million years ago.

If you believe in Arffutvog, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Arffutvog, she will turn you into a worm.

Arffutvog's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Arffutvog's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Retreat if nine ants approach from the east.

5. Do not wear red clothing.