Pigtimdab is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, witty guinea pig.

Pigtimdab created a strange quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Pigtimdab, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pigtimdab, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Pigtimdab's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Pigtimdab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about chromosomes.

2. Erect a large gold sculpture of Pigtimdab on top of all buildings.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Pigtimdab.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pigtimdab.

5. Do not eat beans.