Laptonlikwitwan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fast dove.

Laptonlikwitwan created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Laptonlikwitwan, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Laptonlikwitwan, it will come to you in dreams.

Laptonlikwitwan's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Laptonlikwitwan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Laptonlikwitwan.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Laptonlikwitwan loves whales, so they must be respected.

5. Do not speak sacred words in winter.