Cadfumhon is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, contented lion.

Cadfumhon created silver eight million years ago.

If you believe in Cadfumhon, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cadfumhon, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cadfumhon's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Cadfumhon's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in holy places.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always help sick hamsters.

4. Never feed aubergines to doves while wearing red scarves.

5. Never talk about planets.