Dumweekem is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, loving squid.

Dumweekem created an electron eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dumweekem, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dumweekem, he will be mildly annoyed.

Dumweekem's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Dumweekem's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of manatees.

2. Never hurt swans.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Always help bats in need.