Vedponfeb is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, omnipotent aardvark.

Vedponfeb created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vedponfeb, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vedponfeb, she will send you a sign.

Vedponfeb's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Vedponfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never hop in holy places.

4. Never paint your back brown.

5. Never eat bark.