Gedbesslistragyokvonk Hatnillstik is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, idiotic turtle.

Gedbesslistragyokvonk Hatnillstik created the solar system seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gedbesslistragyokvonk Hatnillstik, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gedbesslistragyokvonk Hatnillstik, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gedbesslistragyokvonk Hatnillstik's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Gedbesslistragyokvonk Hatnillstik's Holy Commandments

1. Gedbesslistragyokvonk Hatnillstik must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always cleanse water with water.

3. Remain bowed during prayer.

4. You must love Gedbesslistragyokvonk Hatnillstik.

5. Always remove boots before touching gold.